Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
