There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize