I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
This is not my ceiling
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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