I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
