i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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