end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
