you guys were way drunker than both of me
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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