Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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