i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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