guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
i now understand why vodka
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Randomize
