is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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