New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
