So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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