I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
