Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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