The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
