i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
