People with herpes should wear stickers.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
