The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
