you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
