I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
