she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
