So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
