I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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