you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
