He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Randomize
