hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
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I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
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I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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