Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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