Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
