So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
