we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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