Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(732): View more from New Jersey

Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...

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(864): View more from South Carolina

i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room

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(204): View more from Manitoba

Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.

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(910): View more from North Carolina

I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.

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(414): View more from Wisconsin

This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.

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(917): View more from New York City

he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness

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(415): View more from California

I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.

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(580): View more from Oklahoma

Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.

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(541): View more from Oregon

He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.

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