You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
