I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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