i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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