Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
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