Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
