my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
My vagina just clenched in fear
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