Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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