Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
