Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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