I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
