her vagine was all disorganized.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
