I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
