Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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