and i looked up. we had an audience...
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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