Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
