Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
