some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
