He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
don't judge my taste in strippers
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
false alarm, still single
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