i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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