my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
