He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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