I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
