My liver just broke up with me...
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
