It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
