Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
