How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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