I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
