i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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