so explain again why im purple
no
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
