if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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