I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize