we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
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Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
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Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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