I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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