I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
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I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
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Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
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