cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
