sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Randomize
