I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
