i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
