This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
