so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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