i permit you to call me
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
