I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
