Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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